A TIME TRAVEL POSTCARD

A TIME TRAVEL POSTCARD



"IT" (otherwise known as​ HD 36405.b) isn't your average "oddball" exo-solar planet made of​ rock that wobbles on​ its end & zips around a​ nearby star in​ less than 2.46 days.

Seeking a​ spot of​ serenity somewhere in​ the​ universe,​ I recently booked a​ deep-discount dodgy berth on​ the​ 'White Elephant Express Space Shuttle',​ to​ a​ little known place in​ a​ galaxy far,​ far away.

If truth be told,​ (after reading random excerpts from "The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life,​ the​ Universe & Practically Everything Under the​ Sun Not to​ Mention Stuff Going on​ in​ Remote Galaxies),​ I was basically delirious. According to​ its noted author,​ Dr. Jarn Leffer,​ "IT is​ a​ 'must-see' for those with little time on​ their hands & a​ passionate interest in​ Innocuous Things."

Most linear thinkers have a​ great deal of​ difficulty even comprehending why on​ earth someone in​ their "right mind" would be interested in​ visiting a​ planet called "IT". Not being a​ linear thinker with an​ investment in​ the​ "right" answer,​ I didn't give a​ hoot. After all,​ what does one (who walks on​ water & listens to​ miffed mortals all day long) do for a​ frigging night off,​ now I ask you?

As planets go,​ "IT" is​ a​ ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception. the​ welcome notice that reads,​ "Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to​ the​ furthest unexplored outreaches of​ the​ Galaxy . Home to​ the​ Flop Fairy & Oodles of​ Gadflies!"

"IT" is​ populated by colonies of​ giggling,​ green grasshoppers . What else would you​ expect to​ inhabit a​ far-flung,​ fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But,​ what made "IT" strictly speaking a​ strange place was the​ fact that the​ inhabitants munch on​ green,​ biodegradable garbage bags for fun. Lacking masticating capabilities,​ the​ gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up & down on​ it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises,​ strip malls or​ landfills!

To put "IT" bluntly,​ life on​ "IT" is​ shy of​ a​ tittynope*. the​ jolly green grasshoppers & the​ carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as​ far as​ the​ eye can see certainly make for an​ utterly harmless world. Regrettably,​ without a​ pair of​ golf clubs,​ a​ dimpled white ball,​ & the​ notion that 19th hole even exists on​ this planet -- "IT" is​ about as​ fun as​ bag of​ toads!

Anyway,​ I picked up this picturesque postcard of​ the​ blessed ballyhooing buglugs. they look perfectly happy but don't be deceived. in​ reality,​ they are a​ gang of​ glad-handing grasshoppers. they don't play golf,​ eat burgers,​ or​ drink beer -- & none can frost a​ rock! Come to​ think of​ it,​ apart from the​ company of​ bugs & the​ elusive flop fairy,​ this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!

Life Lesson 42: Remember to​ talk to​ your travel agent before ever embarking on​ a​ flight of​ fancy to​ a​ planet called "IT" in​ a​ galaxy named "Have-a-Nice-Day"!!

__________

If you​ need to​ know what those green,​ glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old,​ or​ failing that request some help from a​ Flying Saucer Club member.


*"Tittynope" for you​ whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of​ anything left over".




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