Mental Abuse The 7 Most Important Things To Know

Mental Abuse The 7 Most Important Things To Know

1. Sticks and stones won’t break my bones” – and words won’t leave any measurable physical damage,​ but they will cause progressive,​ long-term harm. Never underestimate the​ power of​ words: words are used to​ brainwash.

Being told you​ are “stupid”,​ “ugly”,​ “lazy” or​ “worthless” is​ never acceptable. the​ first times you​ hear it,​ it​ will hurt,​ naturally. in​ time you​ “may get used to” hearing it​ from a​ partner. That’s when you​ start to​ internalise and believe it. When that happens you​ are doing the​ other person’s work of​ putting you​ down for them. This is​ why your feelings of​ self-worth suffer increasingly over time.
The good news is​ that just as​ words have been used to​ bring you​ down,​ you​ can learn to​ harness the​ power of​ words to​ build you​ up and restore your confidence and belief in​ yourself.

2. you​ are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow,​ whatever happens,​ however it​ starts,​ the​ ultimate blame is​ always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. the​ blaming partner will always tell you​ that their behaviour was caused by what you​ said or​ did. in​ fact,​ their argument runs along the​ lines that you​ can’t possibly blame them for anything,​ because if​ you​ hadn’t said what you​ said,​ or​ done what you​ did it​ would never have happened.

3. You’re more inclined to​ believe your partner than you​ are to​ believe yourself. Have you​ ever reeled with a​ sense of​ hurt and injustice,​ or​ seethed with anger at​ the​ way you’ve been treated? Have you​ found yourself asking: “Is it​ reasonable to​ feel like this?” “Am I misinterpreting things?” “Have I got it​ wrong?”

If this is​ you,​ what it​ means is​ that you​ have become so brainwashed you’ve stopped trusting in​ your own judgement. Your mind keeps throwing up the​ observations and questions because,​ deep down,​ you​ know that what is​ happening is​ utterly wrong. But right now you​ can’t feel the​ strength of​ your own convictions.

4. you​ need your partner to​ acknowledge your feelings. Have you​ ever felt desperate to​ make your partner hear what you​ are saying and apologise for the​ hurtful things they’ve said? Have you​ ever felt that only they can heal the​ pain they’ve caused?

Does your need for them to​ validate your feelings keep you​ hooked into the​ relationship?

When a​ partner constantly denies or​ refuses to​ listen to​ your feelings,​ that is,​ unquestionably,​ mental abuse.

5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is​ often highly critical of​ you. He may tell you​ how much he loves you,​ yet he is​ short on​ care or​ consideration towards you. in​ fact,​ some of​ the​ time,​ maybe even a​ lot of​ the​ time,​ he treats you​ as​ if​ you​ were someone he truly dislikes.

You do everything you​ can to​ make him happy,​ but it’s never good enough. You’re more like the​ pet dog in​ the​ relationship than you​ are the​ equal partner. Your constant efforts to​ get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charmed,​ often he’s dismissive.

If you​ find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you​ that way,​ it​ is​ because you​ are trying to​ live in​ a​ love-based relationship,​ when in​ reality you​ are living in​ a​ control-based relationship. the​ mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of​ worthlessness and uses his relationship to​ create a​ feeling of​ personal power,​ at​ his partner’s expense.

6. you​ feel as​ if​ you​ are constantly walking on​ eggshells. There is​ a​ real degree of​ fear in​ the​ relationship. you​ have come to​ dread his outbursts,​ the​ hurtful things that he will find to​ say to​ you. (Maybe the​ same anxiety and need to​ please spill over into your other relationships also.)

Fear is​ not part of​ a​ loving relationship,​ but it​ is​ a​ vital part of​ a​ mentally abusive relationship. it​ enables the​ abuser to​ maintain control over you.

7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to​ the​ loving partner who tries,​ against all odds,​ to​ hold the​ relationship together and,​ ultimately,​ can’t do it,​ because her partner is​ working against her.
Whether you​ are currently in​ a​ mentally abusive relationship,​ have left one recently,​ or​ years later are still struggling with the​ anxieties and low self-worth and lack of​ confidence caused by mental abuse,​ it​ is​ never too late to​ heal.
But you​ do need to​ work with a​ person or​ a​ programme specifically geared to​ mental abuse recovery.

Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of​ themselves,​ and they expect it​ right away. This is​ why they often struggle and,​ not uncommonly,​ take up with another abusive partner.

Mental abuse recovery is​ a​ gradual process. Low self-worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of​ future the​ abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the​ blocks that can stop women from moving on. But they are blocks that you​ can clear very effectively. Just as​ language was once used to​ harm you,​ you​ can now learn how language can heal you. you​ can overcome past mental abuse and keep yourself safe from it​ in​ the​ future. you​ can also learn to​ feel strong,​ believe in​ yourself and create the​ life and the​ relationships you​ truly want.

“The Woman you​ Want to​ Be” is​ a​ unique workbook designed to​ accompany you​ on​ a​ year long journey into emotional health and happiness.
(C) 2018 Annie Kaszina

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