Freelance Design Tricks How To Get Away With Murder In The Workplace

Freelance Design tricks - How to​ get away with murder in​ the​ workplace
Every large design company whether it's a​ multi-national branding corporation or​ a​ regular down at​ heel tatty magazine publisher needs to​ fill holes in​ the​ workforce .​
If the​ canny freelance designer plays his or​ her cards right,​ he can earn a​ tidy sum while essentially loafing at​ home .​
Here's how...
Have a​ handy repotoire of​ excuses lined up
Everyone has heard of​ the​ line 'the dog ate it...' or​ 'I left it​ in​ my jeans when it​ went into the​ wash' to​ avoid handing in​ an​ assignment but how often do we​ actually use them? Some of​ these old well worn excuses are due for a​ renaissance period .​
a​ boss is​ far more likely to​ give you the​ benefit of​ the​ doubt when you use one of​ these old dogs as​ they will question your sanity for attempting to​ use such an​ audacious excuse .​
Reverse psychology .​
Use it​ to​ your advantage
Backstabbing - is​ it​ so wrong?
A favourite trick to​ pull on​ another member of​ staff is​ to​ sow the​ seeds of​ doubt in​ the​ rest of​ the​ full-timers minds about your chosen fall guy .​
Office politics can play a​ huge role in​ screwing with their heads .​
Why not try surreptiously planting somebody elses scissors or​ staplers in​ the​ victims drawer and asking to​ borrow them .​
When they can't find them say you saw so and so using them earlier .​
Sit back and watch the​ tension build.
An apple a​ day...
Being a​ teachers pet can sometimes work wonders when you haven't bothered to​ layout those pages that were given to​ you 3 weeks ago .​
Coming into the​ office armed with a​ nice rich chocolate gateau for everyone will smooth over any resentment for your tarde lackadaisacal attitude to​ work .​
Another good idea is​ to​ be the​ coffee gopher at​ regular half hour intervals .​
When you're gone they'll really miss you and because of​ the​ caffeine withdrawal will be snapping at​ one another.
Outsource and reap the​ rewards
Everybodies doing it​ so why not you? If you've landed a​ hefty long term design job that is​ a​ regular payer,​ why not bump your rates up and get somebody in​ India or​ China to​ knock out the​ work for you .​
Unethical? Perhaps but since when did you consider the​ plight of​ individuals in​ far flung places? You can explain away the​ discrepances in​ language and grammar by claiming you've been working all hours
Getting away with murder
There comes a​ time and place when despite your best efforts to​ cover your ass and blame others for your laziness and ineptitude,​ you are going to​ be found out .​
At this stage with disgruntled colleagues lining up to​ put in​ a​ bad word about you,​ there may be no other option left but to​ use the​ failsafe rear guard action of​ killing someone .​
This will have the​ effect of​ distracting attention from your less than honest approach to​ handing in​ graphic designs on​ time .​
It's probably best to​ avoid murdering the​ boss as​ questions are likely to​ be raised and you may find the​ new apointed editor will not see you as​ part of​ the​ new team format .​
No,​ go for one of​ the​ more replacable members of​ staff such as​ Ian the​ sub-editor,​ the​ resulting fracas will buy you enough time to​ work on​ some new scams at​ another organisation
So there you go,​ use these tricks as​ and when you feel they may benefit you .​
But be careful the​ cops are sometimes pretty keen to​ clamp down on​ office genocide - only use this last option under extreme duress.

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