Country Lawn Maintenance 10 Tips To Know Before You Mow

Country Lawn Maintenance 10 Tips To Know Before You Mow

Practical survival skills should be fifty percent of​ what we study in​ school! Languishing twelve to​ sixteen years in​ the bowels of​ our education​ system should not leave American citizens unprepared to​ cope with perpetually running toilets. a​ burned out taillight should not knock our world off its axis. this​ chasm of​ neglected wisdom is​ not simply filled with the obvious auto and​ home maintenance issues. All the little stupidities reflect on​ our society.

Years ago, I was sitting in​ an​ I-5 traffic jam with my sister, August. Innocently I remarket, “I hate trying to​ tune in​ that radio station​ while I’m driving.” Without provocation​ August reached down and​ yanked the unsuspecting radio button​ straight out of​ its place. Metallic skeletal parts were revealed. Grey whales migrating off the coast heard my gasp. Then, get this; she shoved the hapless button​ back in​ – all the way! Even if​ the traffic had been moving, I was in​ no condition​ to​ drive.

this​ blatant assault on​ my automotive electronics was uncalled for. Worse was learning at​ age 28, I was the only person​ in​ America uninformed as​ to​ how radios were set. My thoughts, if​ you​ can call them that, seem silly now. I believed pushing the buttons placed the dial in​ the vicinity of​ various stations. Only lucky drivers and​ folks who listened to​ Christian music had buttons that coincidently landed on​ the exact preferred position. this​ knowledge graced me just before digital. Lord, how I hate tuning in​ digital.

All society has an​ obligation​ to​ pick up where floundering education​ systems go astray. Teach children the little things. Change vacuum belts as​ a​ family. Award prizes to​ offspring who can find the level of​ power steering fluid and​ above all else, instill in​ them the skill to​ read a​ ballot.

in​ keeping with a​ heartfelt desire to​ better Planet Earth, I’d like to​ pass along ten things nobody ever told me about lawn mowing, the country way. When I moved to​ the hinterland​ I was naive to​ the tribulations of​ rural landscaping. My massive country lawn looked innocent enough. Then the escrow closed. The following was learned via trial and​ error - mostly error.

One: Always carry wire cutters when mowing – While the majority of​ rusty old wire shot through your​ leg can be extracted with a​ few good tugs, a​ surprisingly large proportion​ entwine around ankle bones in​ a​ manner no physician or​ physicist can explain. With a​ handy set of​ wire cutters excess can be trimmed. Overage tends to​ snag on​ the gas pedal when diving to​ the Emergency Room.

Two: Recycle –Be sure to​ have the hospital staff return wires once they rinse your​ Achilles Tendon​ away. you​ can reuse it​ (the wire or​ the tendon) for​ fencing projects. No doubt this​ convenience was the reasoning behind 130 years of​ country landowners discarding litter in​ what otherwise would appear to​ be a​ careless manner.

Three: Remember the Choke - When the mower keeps coughing and​ sputtering to​ a​ stop, or​ any other time you​ want to​ choke the dam thing, push this​ lever. it​ does nothing. to​ get the sadistic contraption​ running you’ll need gasoline.

Four: Beware Safety Features – Modern mowers posses a​ handle lever that shuts mowers down every time the operator looks to​ the left. this​ quadruples the number of​ pull starts needed. The American Academia of​ Carpal Tunnel Physicians sponsors safety levers. Mowers also come with what is​ called a​ Plastic Do-Hickie. a​ Do-Hickie’s only function​ is​ to​ display a​ sticker reminding people not to​ shove their hands or​ feet inside a​ running lawn mower. Gardeners only do this​ to​ remove grass clogs. Ironically Do-Hickies cause 99.96% of​ grass clogs.

Five: Stay Hydrated – in​ the country, heat stoke is​ as​ much a​ right of​ spring passage as​ bat guano in​ the kitchen pantry. The ecstasy of​ eighty-degree temps after nine months of​ winter collides head on​ with an​ obsessive desire to​ get every last flippin’ grass blade perfectly level. Before golf course precision​ is​ ever achieved, ‘Type A’ mowers will be face down on​ the carpet. With ice packs strategically perched on​ major arterial lines, you’ll wonder, “Could the shag rug be trimmed just a​ tad more evenly?”

Six: Budget – Country folks can purchase their fashionable shit-beat trucks for​ less than a​ thousand​ dollars. this​ elevates you​ to​ the social status of​ a​ Ferrari driver in​ the city. However your​ lawn mower will cost you​ three times as​ much. Tractor mowers are a​ must out here. The lawns are too massive. Mowing with a​ push mower during spring would keep property owners circling 24/7. Only idiots and​ starving authors use push mowers.

Seven: Remember General Maintenance - a​ Clanking serenade resulting from the first start up of​ the morning is​ not unusual. What happened is​ this: Overnight grass built up underneath your​ mower. Then, flakes have dried to​ the point where you​ could use tin​ snips to​ cut it​ into a​ disk and​ burn yourself a​ springtime fresh CD (Green Day?). to​ remove the offending mass grab an​ ice pick and​ go after the dehydrated flakes like Sharon​ Stone during mating season.

Eight: Electric Mowers: Don’t - Even if​ you​ could lug 300 yards of​ cord, it’s a​ spectacularly bad idea. When several dogs and​ a​ milk goat play ‘chase’ under the extension, all hell, and​ the cord, will break loose. Hopefully this​ will occur prior to​ overloading the freaky little round country fuses and​ setting your​ ancient electrical box ablaze. in​ a​ town like mine where there’s an​ all-volunteer Fire Department, the carnage could be unspeakable.

“Hey, Howard, I see that city gal’s home is​ ablaze over there. Got any marshmallows?”

“Sure Pap. Ya know I told her she should not buy that Rowski house just a​ few years after she did.”

The only saving grace is​ with all the unsoldered plumbing in​ this​ oasis of​ handyman dropouts, the houses themselves won’t burn below the second floor.

Nine: Use the Section​ Technique – The theory here is​ you​ divide your​ lawn into a​ section​ for​ each member of​ the household. Everyone contributes. Nobody gets overwhelmed by the workload. for​ example: assign your​ teenager to​ mow section​ 1 on​ Tuesdays - then you​ mow it. you​ assign your​ husband​ to​ mow section​ 2 on​ Wednesdays – then you​ mow it. Request your​ every-present brother-in-law mow section​ 3 on​ Thursday – and​ again, you​ do the work. Everyone takes a​ turn. Hell, if​ you​ have any other males around; people, bulls, aspen trees, give them a​ section. What do you​ have to​ loose?

Ten: Do Not Get Discouraged! - Never let grass win! During spring, folks can get discouraged. They wake up to​ note their freshly mowed lawn grew back while they slept. Fact is, by mowing barefoot you​ will feel the new grass poke up as​ you​ pass. It’s just the country way.

* Disclaimer: Computer hard drives vary. in​ the event you​ insert a​ lawn clipping diskette into your​ CD burner and​ your​ hard drive fails to​ function​ please do not file suit against the manufacturer or​ the author. We cannot be held accountable for​ the quality of​ your​ grass. Countersuits will request you​ promptly cease swimming in​ the gene pool.

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