Bush Reveals New Missile Defense Guides Weapon Back To Launching Pad

Bush Reveals New Missile Defense; Guides Weapon Back To Launching Pad
Rest easy, America, even when you contemplate the abbreviated flight of​ North Korea’s errant but someday, they hope, long-range Taepodong 2 missile – a​ name that, should the nation ever decide to​ enter the capitalist hustings, doesn’t sound like a​ very promising appellation for a​ new car.
In the wake of​ the miscalculated launch of​ seven missiles by North Korea, including a​ Taepodong 2, President Bush told reporter Larry Wing in​ an​ exclusive interview, We’ve got a​ missile defense system that will defend our country .​
We don’t just shoot down the enemy missile .​
We guide it​ back to​ where it​ came from .​
So anybody who launches a​ missile at​ the United States of​ America better clear out, because soon it’ll be on the way back at​ them, point first.
The revelation of​ the innovative missile defense system stunned Mr .​
Wing .​
I​ thought we were still trying to​ perfect the star wars system initiated by President Reagan, where, if​ we’re lucky, we can at​ least shoot down an​ enemy missile .​
But guide it​ back to​ the launching pad? This is​ the first time I’ve heard of​ it.
Well, Larry, as​ you know, I’m the President, and as​ such I​ get to​ hear about things like this even before a​ fine and flattering reporter like you does.
I’ll say, Larry Wing commented .​
Mind if​ I​ ask how it​ works?
I don’t have a​ clue, Bush said, but the military has assured me that we’ve got the capability.
When was work on this new missile defense launched? Mr .​
Wing queried.
Actually, I​ get all the credit, Bush said.
How’s that? Mr .​
Wing asked, startled .​
I​ didn’t know you’re a​ missile defense kind of​ guy.
I’m not, technically speaking .​
But I​ was spending so much money in​ Iraq one of​ our more reflective missile techs got to​ thinking, why just blow a​ missile up in​ the middle of​ the air and waste all that explosive power .​
Think of​ the money we’d save if​ we could just turn the payload around and send it​ back at​ the enemy .​
Once he had the idea, I​ understand he was able to​ devise the joystick program to​ guide it​ in​ less than five minutes.
Really? And how reliable is​ this new system?
All I​ can tell you is, developing missiles is​ not the way for anymore counties to​ go .​
They’re wasting their time and, in​ light of​ our new missile defense, they’re actually, in​ you think about it, indirectly aiming their missiles smack dab at​ themselves .​
Now, that’s what I​ call a​ deterrent.
I’ll say, Mr .​
Wing replied .​
I​ wonder how North Korea and Iran will respond to​ this news?
I think they’ll take notice, he said .​
And anything that makes America safer is​ something I’m for, especially when it​ also saves on the cost of​ TNT or​ enriched uranium .​
The only more economical thing I​ can think of​ would be to​ guide the missile to​ one of​ our air force bases for a​ soft landing, so we could just point it​ back at​ the enemy for future use .​
If one of​ our technical boys figures out a​ way, I’ll get credit for that idea, too, because right now is​ the first time I​ thought of​ it .​
And you’re my witness, right?
Yes, sir, Larry agreed .​
Wow, with an​ innovative president like you in​ the Oval Office, I​ sleep a​ lot better at​ night.
Thank you .​
Frankly, I’m awake all night .​
But I​ do spend a​ good deal of​ time sleeping during the day.
With that, his eyes glazed over and then dropped shut.
Mr .​
President? Wing asked .​
Oh, Mr .​
But the Pres did not stir.
So Mr .​
Wing turned to​ the camera and said, I​ guess that’s it, folks .​
I​ can interview anyone, but even I​ have a​ tough time when my guest conks out.

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