Beginners Guide To The Internet

Beginners Guide to​ the​ Internet

Recent studies have shown that there are now well over one hundred websites available on​ the​ computernet .​
This puts it​ second only to​ ceefax as​ a​ useful source of​ information .​
Monkey Empire has rounded up the​ best of​ these sites, ones which enhance the​ life of​ real people like you, not the​ spotty bearded freaks that you​ picked on​ at​ school for​ being computerboys or​ nerdnspellgirls, no real people who go out and​ drink alcoholic sugar liquid in​ crowded town bars and​ watch soap operas and​ need to​ have their behaviour validated by weekly publications littering the​ news stands like so much used bog-roll .​
Well this is​ a​ virtual equivalent of​ those c-list simpering shitfests so let me validate your fucking behaviour, that's right I'll tell you​ where to​ go and​ what to​ fucking do because it​ will keep you​ the​ fuck away from me so that I​ can continue my work in​ peace .​
And when my work is​ done holy dong you'll know about it .​
I'll be the​ god damn mayor of​ London .​
Anyway here are the​ top 5:
Google Founded in​ 1923 the​ Google Corporation originally produced radiator hoses and​ casino chips before entering the​ lucrative internet search market in​ 1997 .​
Google is​ like a​ thesaurus, simply type in​ 't start until midday and​ finishes with the​ national anthem at​ teatime oh no the​ Beeb has been forced to​ get with the​ times and​ after collecting your money and​ throwing it​ in​ a​ big pile for​ approximately 60 years when the​ internet bubble came bouncing along the​ BBC was ready .​
It is​ now estimated that 87% of​ all internet sites are part of​ the​ BBC, this is​ in​ addition to​ their 167 digital TV channels, 2 radio stations and​ their Sandwich Toaster fast food chain .​
You give them money so that a​ bunch of​ London-blinkered new media tosspots can tell you​ what to​ do and​ you​ wouldn't have it​ any other way .​
The BBC is​ now so widespread that none other than Leonard Nimoy was once overheard to​ say the​ BBC puts food on​ my table, it​ really does, may the​ force be with you.
MySpaceThe fact that you've made it​ this far down a​ Beginners Guide probably means you​ think that making a​ wonderful informative website such as​ this one is​ beyond your meagre skills .​
We don't hold that against you, you​ probably know more about footy or​ booking holidays in​ high street travel agents than us, takes all sorts doesn't it​ really .​
Well not any more, MySpace is​ the​ great leveller, the​ democratisation of​ the​ internet, now anyone can stick their photo online and​ surround it​ with flickering animated hearts floating across a​ purple background with yellow text talking about how you​ like to​ go out, watch telly and​ listen to​ music .​
Or maybe you​ are part of​ a​ subculture and​ you​ want your page to​ feature crunchy guitar music on​ a​ black background with pictures of​ you​ heavily made up to​ look like a​ vampire pоrn-star .​
Actually though MySpace is​ a​ game, you​ see other MySpace users can make virtual friends and​ then their picture appears under the​ friends list on​ your page .​
The game is​ to​ get your face on​ as​ many MySpace pages as​ possible, the​ one with the​ most displayed photos at​ the​ end of​ space and​ time wins and​ gets to​ become a​ baron of​ the​ afterlife .​
So don't get left behind, get on​ MySpace, get flirting and​ ego massaging and​ exchanging naked pictures with people who's age you​ can't be sure about or​ you​ might regret it​ for​ eternity and​ then some .​
MySpace is​ now so widespread that none other than Leonard Nimoy was once overheard to​ say I've got 28 friends already I​ really have, may the​ force be with you.

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